i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
