soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
