Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
