Jerry, you need to find god
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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