His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
