Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
