My first STD was from a foam party
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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