i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
