My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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