Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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