My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
