Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
