2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
