so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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