We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
