Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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