Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize