apparently the secret to your success is patron
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize