bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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