Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
