Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
