Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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