you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Green mimosas i think yes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
