you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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