It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
