I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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