I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize