Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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