Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
