I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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