porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
