My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
