Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
