Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
