Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He shit in the fireplace
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
