as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
