Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
