Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
