I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
