i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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