"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Houston, we have a squirter
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize