I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
