it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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