you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ttyl tear gas
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
