These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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