I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
