Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
