He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
