i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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