I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
