i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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