Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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