Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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