Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
