dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
