those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
