I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
smell my finger.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
