He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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