I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
