i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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