So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
