It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
