he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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