careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
