tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
