**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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