Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
