i was born a porn star she said
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
