if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
