Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
