Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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