i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
