Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
