Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
